Sprouting Additional Heads (and other strange cat-related things)

Sprouting Additional Heads (and other strange cat-related things)

From the people who brought you the incredibly relatable "Brushing your Teeth" sweatshirt, comes a new design that is, in stark contrast, completely unlike anything you've ever experienced. Yes, perhaps you've felt the unimpressed glares of three cats simultaneously BUT it seems unlikely that all six malicious eyes stared out of the same being! Once believed to be a normal, domesticated fur ball, this creature unexpectedly evolved not one but two additional heads! Perhaps there is more to this thing than initially thought...

In terms of power, Purrberus is arguably a more devastating opponent than it's counterpart- the much more famous Cerberus. Flesh wounds, even those inflicted by three jaws at once, can heal with time, but the damage done to the soul by those nasty feline sneers... thats a wound for life. Cats bear ancient powers drawing from deep, unknowable secrets that humans could never comprehend. Therefore, in lieu of any useful information, here is an original poem to entertain you and help you forget about your insignificance momentarily. Please enjoy!

Bow to your True Masters

Whether love em or hate em, it doesn’t change facts

Our alien overlords are known simply as “Cats”

They watch every move, they judge and they brood

and to them you are valued somewhere beneath food.


Sometimes they act sweet but just know it’s a ploy,

your body’s their servant and your brain just a toy.

With a glance they can bid you to snuggle their butts

but as soon as they’re finished, reward you with cuts.


Don’t try to defend them, they don’t need your grace,

they’ll live long past the day of the end of our race.

As we spend our days working, they slink around town-

a murder, some snooping, and then have a lie down.


Yet you give them your lovin even with this in mind

to what other such outlaw would you be so dang kind??

Oh duh, now I get it… It’s just simple math…

Be kind to your masters and perhaps dodge their wrath!

-VDGN 2020



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